Lifestyles of the rich and the famous

I go to bed early and I get up early. It's too hot to sleep in once the sun starts peaking through the window. Our hostel right now is clean and spacious, despite the giant cockroach that crawled on my foot during breakfast yesterday. It doesn't have air conditioning, but it does have free wi-fi. Because our mount kinabalu climb cost us quite a bit, we're just laying low for the next few days, which is fine by me. Although it is so hot during the day, it feels like my rubber flip flops are going to melt right off of my feet, I love walking around a new city.
Many times, there is nothing significant about the city as a whole, but if you walk past the markets, the little shops, the family owned restaurants, you realize that the people and their lives that are behind this city, in this third world country, are significantly different. Yes, there are some who have the means to and choose to live a western lifestyle, but it's rare. Sometimes I feel guilty about my travels. There are beggars and certain individuals who are in need of desperate help and they think that because I am white, that I have all the money in the world, when the truth is when i get back I will probably be begging on the side of the street myself. Some would say, "why don't they just get a job." To those who say that... if the solution were really that easy, that cut and dry, we would have no problems. The problems that take place in these countries, even our own country are not caused by all individuals choosing to be lazy. They're caused by governments, by religion, by governments not allowing people to be properly educated. And, who has the authority to say what is proper education anyway.
Everyday that I am here I enjoy myself beyond belief, yet at the same time it absolutely kills me. I want to help, I want to do something. I plan on doing a volunteer program for a few weeks while here, but it still drives me crazy that I can't save everyone. I don't want people to think that I am trying to be the next mother theresa, nor do I want people to even think I am a hippy/save the world/peace lover, because I am not. Not in a long shot. I know I can't save the world, but I want myself to never forget what I am seeing and experiencing.
When I get home, i am afraid of getting caught in the same old rutt. I am not even talking about the rutt of the same routine everyday, I am talking about getting caught up in my looks, the things I have, the things I want, etc. I have finally realized for the first time in my life that I am ridiculous! I always think I am fat, I am constantly comparing myself to others, I cry because I think some of my friends have better jobs than I do. When I actually write these things down that I think about and worry about 24 hours a day, it is absurd. I am beautiful, I am healthy, I don't have a possy of friends, but I have a few close friends and a family that loves me, and they who mean the world to me.
I'll leave you with this ironic fact: Throughout southeast asia/india, indiviuals walk with umbrellas, sheilding themselves from the sun. They use whitening creams to lighten their skin, some even bleach their skin. Those who have money eat, trying to make themselves fat. In their world, being fat and white equals beauty and wealth. In our world, the western world, if you will... everyone strives to be thin and tan... the look of the rich and famous.